How to Get Your Partner to Go to Couples Therapy With You
You know your relationship needs help. The communication is off, the arguments are becoming more frequent, and you're feeling disconnected. You've been thinking about couples therapy for a while, but the thought of bringing it up to your partner feels daunting. You worry they’ll shut it down, resist the idea, or worse—become defensive.
The good news? Getting your partner to agree to couples therapy is possible, and it doesn’t have to be as hard as it seems. As a couples therapist working with clients in Florida, I’ve seen first-hand how couples can move from resistance to openness when they approach the conversation the right way. It all starts with understanding the dynamics at play and having an open, honest conversation. If you’re ready for real change, here are some actionable strategies to help you get your partner on board for couples therapy.
1. Focus on Your Relationship, Not Their “Problems”
One of the biggest obstacles couples face when considering therapy is the fear that it’s going to turn into a blame game. Your partner might feel like they’re the one who needs “fixing,” or that therapy is a sign of failure. Instead of framing the conversation as a critique of your partner, shift the focus to the relationship as a whole. Emphasize that couples therapy is about strengthening your connection, learning better communication, and creating a healthier dynamic for both of you.
Instead of saying, “We need therapy because you always do X,” try something like, “I’ve noticed that we’ve been having the same fights, and I think therapy could help us learn new ways of communicating and solving problems together.” This shows that you’re invested in the relationship, not just pointing fingers.
2. Normalize Therapy as a Positive, Proactive Step
Therapy can sometimes be seen as a last resort when things are falling apart, but it doesn’t have to be. Normalizing therapy as a proactive, healthy choice can help eliminate any stigma or fear around the idea. You wouldn’t hesitate to see a doctor for a physical ailment, so why not approach therapy in the same way? It’s just as important for your mental and emotional well-being.
Tell your partner that therapy is a way to “level up” your relationship, just like how couples who are thriving choose therapy to stay connected and continue growing together. It’s not just for when things go wrong; it’s for creating a deeper, more meaningful connection.
3. Appeal to Their Desire for Positive Change
Sometimes, people resist therapy because they don’t see how it could help. If your partner isn’t convinced that therapy will lead to real change, it can be helpful to paint a picture of what a healthier relationship might look like. Instead of getting bogged down in the details of why things aren’t working now, highlight the potential benefits of therapy—better communication, emotional intimacy, a reduction in conflict, and feeling more supported and understood by one another.
You might say something like, “I think therapy will help us stop having the same argument over and over. It could help us understand each other better and feel more connected.” Showing them how therapy can make life better together may be just the motivation they need to say yes.
4. Share Your Personal Feelings (Without Being Pushy)
In many cases, a partner may resist therapy because they feel overwhelmed or unsure about what to expect. One way to ease this anxiety is by being vulnerable about your own feelings. Let your partner know how therapy could help you feel supported, heard, and valued. Be honest about your emotional needs, but avoid making it sound like a demand.
For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling really disconnected lately, and I’m wondering if therapy could help us find a way to get back to a place where we both feel happy and understood.” This approach emphasizes your own need for healing without pushing them into something they’re not ready for.
5. Address the Fear of Judgment or Vulnerability
For some people, the idea of opening up in therapy can feel intimidating. If your partner is hesitant to go, it could be because they’re worried about being judged or feeling vulnerable in front of a therapist. Acknowledge this fear and let them know that therapy is a safe space where both partners are supported without judgment. Share that the goal isn’t to “fix” each other, but to create a space where both of you can express your feelings openly and honestly with professional guidance.
If your partner fears vulnerability, it’s helpful to remind them that therapy is a place to grow, not a place to criticize. You might say, “I know it might feel uncomfortable at first, but the therapist will help us work through things in a way that feels safe and supportive for both of us.”
6. Present It as an Investment in the Future, Not a Fix for the Past
Couples therapy can feel intimidating if it’s positioned as something you do when everything is falling apart. Instead, reframe the conversation by focusing on therapy as an investment in your future together. Let your partner know that you’re looking to improve the relationship and grow together, rather than simply “fixing” past issues. This creates a sense of optimism and forward movement rather than rehashing old wounds.
Try saying something like, “I want to build a stronger relationship with you and make sure we’re both feeling good about where we’re headed. Therapy can help us do that.”
7. Offer a Trial Run
If your partner is still unsure about therapy, suggest giving it a try for just one session to see how it feels. Sometimes, the unknown is the biggest barrier to seeking help. Offering a “trial run” can make the idea of therapy less daunting and give both of you the chance to experience the process together. After the first session, you can both decide if it’s something you want to continue.
Say something like, “How about we try one session together and see how we feel? If it’s not for us, we don’t have to continue.”
8. Know When to Be Patient and Respect Boundaries
Lastly, it’s important to remember that pushing your partner too hard can backfire. If your partner is truly resistant to the idea of therapy, you might need to give them time to come around. Planting the seed and providing information about therapy’s benefits is great, but it’s also essential to respect their boundaries. If you’ve had an honest, open conversation and they’re still not on board, it might take time for them to process the idea.
Sometimes, simply giving them the space to think about it without pressure can lead to a breakthrough later on.
Ready For Long Lasting Change?
If you’ve been struggling in your relationship and want to get your partner to go to couples therapy, the key is to approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and an open heart. Emphasize that therapy isn’t about fixing each other but about building a stronger, healthier partnership. With patience and the right approach, your partner will likely be more open to the idea than you think.
Ready to take the next step? Couples therapy doesn’t have to be intimidating. As a therapist who works with couples in Florida, I specialize in luxury therapy with real solutions that lead to deep, transformational healing. If you're ready to create the relationship you both deserve, let’s talk about how therapy can help you both heal and grow together.
